Monday 11 August 2014
ROW 80: Reassess and Give Up?
I'm not going to lie because that wouldn't do any of us any good. It's been nearly two weeks since I've written anything. I'm volunteering at an art's festival at the moment but I know that's no excuse. None the less I'm going to drop out at least for a while. I've had a really great experience and ROW80 has helped me to do so much more writing that I ever would have otherwise. Everyone has been so lovely and encouraging but at the moment I can't continue. I hope everyone else is being more persistent than I am. I wish I could stick it with you. Keep writing, keep reading and keep dreaming! Have fun everyone and good luck.
I'm Blue (Da Ba Dee Da Ba Dye)
I wrote the following on a bus journey home from Dublin several weeks ago. I'd spent the day shopping with my mum and eating nice food. Relevant points: I had recently dyed my hair a grungy, dirty blue colour after a failed bleach job. Update: I've now re-bleached my hair and dyed it a fabulous blueish-turquoise colour
It's strange to have people turn and stare openly at you as though they have earned the right. I know it's not at all the same thing but I can understand to a certain extent how people with physical disabilities must feel when they're stared at. It's like people don't realise it makes the stare-ee uncomfortable or else they just don't care. Some people you can see a hint of a smile in their eyes and know they they enjoy the hair colour but others are outright scary.
I was walking down Temple Bar in Dublin curiously looking for someone who looked like they were selling drugs when a middle aged couple walking towards me. I noticed them because the man was watching me with a malevolent intensity that immediately freaked me out. I never felt more vulnerable, like a rabbit looking into the eyes of a fox knowing that it was seen as nothing but prey. I was thinking, what is this creep's problem? I passed by them and nervously glanced back to watch him go. That was when I saw his partner, the woman staring back at me in disgust. My blue hair was at this time a new thing and this was my first proper public appearance with it. With this in mind my first instinct was to think that the creep's wife resented me because she saw me as some kind of fucked up competition. It took me a second to remember my hair and I thought, oh my god. That they were disgusted by my fashion seemed -incredibly- to make more sense than my original theory. People get offended by oddest things.
That's the bad kind of experiences. Other people are actually very funny though. I was sitting on a wall waiting for the bus to take me home and watching the passersby. I was noticing a great deal of people, who would normally glance at me and continue on or completely ignore me, examine me as they passed. One attractive young man I'd like to believe was particularly enamored by my beauty that his jaw literally dropped open in awe. Okay, the real story? I couldn't say for sure what age he was but early 20s anyway. I was leaning my head on my hand staring off into space when he passed in front of me. I'm not exaggerating here: his mouth fell open and he looked me up and down in pure amazement as though he'd never before seen the like. His eyes and mine met briefly and he held the gaze rather they looking away in embarrassment as was normal custom in these particular situations. It was one of those moments where you had to be there to appreciate how truly surprising and hilarious it was.
You know how in movies when they describe that intense moment where time slows down or stops entirely? As usual Hollywood got it wrong. For me it was more like every one of my senses were suddenly enhanced and became as acutely awake as Peter Parker's. I felt like I was able to take in 100 times the detail I normally could. The encounter lasted no more than a second but I was able to write a lengthy paragraph on it, all the same.
It's strange to have people turn and stare openly at you as though they have earned the right. I know it's not at all the same thing but I can understand to a certain extent how people with physical disabilities must feel when they're stared at. It's like people don't realise it makes the stare-ee uncomfortable or else they just don't care. Some people you can see a hint of a smile in their eyes and know they they enjoy the hair colour but others are outright scary.
I was walking down Temple Bar in Dublin curiously looking for someone who looked like they were selling drugs when a middle aged couple walking towards me. I noticed them because the man was watching me with a malevolent intensity that immediately freaked me out. I never felt more vulnerable, like a rabbit looking into the eyes of a fox knowing that it was seen as nothing but prey. I was thinking, what is this creep's problem? I passed by them and nervously glanced back to watch him go. That was when I saw his partner, the woman staring back at me in disgust. My blue hair was at this time a new thing and this was my first proper public appearance with it. With this in mind my first instinct was to think that the creep's wife resented me because she saw me as some kind of fucked up competition. It took me a second to remember my hair and I thought, oh my god. That they were disgusted by my fashion seemed -incredibly- to make more sense than my original theory. People get offended by oddest things.
That's the bad kind of experiences. Other people are actually very funny though. I was sitting on a wall waiting for the bus to take me home and watching the passersby. I was noticing a great deal of people, who would normally glance at me and continue on or completely ignore me, examine me as they passed. One attractive young man I'd like to believe was particularly enamored by my beauty that his jaw literally dropped open in awe. Okay, the real story? I couldn't say for sure what age he was but early 20s anyway. I was leaning my head on my hand staring off into space when he passed in front of me. I'm not exaggerating here: his mouth fell open and he looked me up and down in pure amazement as though he'd never before seen the like. His eyes and mine met briefly and he held the gaze rather they looking away in embarrassment as was normal custom in these particular situations. It was one of those moments where you had to be there to appreciate how truly surprising and hilarious it was.
You know how in movies when they describe that intense moment where time slows down or stops entirely? As usual Hollywood got it wrong. For me it was more like every one of my senses were suddenly enhanced and became as acutely awake as Peter Parker's. I felt like I was able to take in 100 times the detail I normally could. The encounter lasted no more than a second but I was able to write a lengthy paragraph on it, all the same.
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