Mass Go-ers

Despite the disadvantages of having parents who insist that atheism is a 'phase', going to mass can be interesting if you have the right mindset.

There is an elderly woman of about seventy-five years who normally sits in the row behind my family with her son and his family. She has an unbelievable lack of discretion. Not only does she fart loudly and at a consistent rate throughout the thirty minute service but she also has so little refinement when it comes to whispering. A normal person would speak more quietly than she hisses in her attempt to appear subtle. I'm certain that on more than one occasion the priest on the altar has overheard her hushed conversation. Last week our recently retired parish priest returned to say the service. He had barely taken two steps out of the sacristy when from behind me this woman almost yells, "It's Father Treacy!!"
I jumped at the unexpectedness of this outburst and couldn't retain a snort of laughter, which I later felt bad for. Honestly, she makes my night every Saturday.

Another favourite mass go-er of mine is a woman of about sixty who always sits at the side of the church, always one row in front of the others behind her. She sits alone every week and according to my dad's boundless information on everyone in our parish she has never married and lives alone. She wears perfectly round glasses that are ever so slightly tinted. Almost John Lennon-esque. (Basically these glasses)
To me she seems like such an interesting person and I'd love to be friends with her. I can imagine her being really beautiful when she was younger and for a woman of her age she still is. She's beautiful in such an effortless way as though she doesn't even realise it or perhaps she does but doesn't see a reason to emphasise it. Her khaki trousers, sweater and hiking boots wouldn't accentuate most peoples attractive features. Somehow though it displays her beauty more clearly, in the same way that putting a photo against a white background allows you to appreciate the colours more efficaciously.

This wasn't meant to be a blog about how beautiful old woman can be....I don't know how this happened.

The point of that tangent was that last week she said a reading during the mass service. Bear in mind this is a woman who has sat alone in church my whole life. I've never seen or heard her speak so the last thing I expected was for her to stand up in front of a church full of people and read. She seemed only a little bit nervous. She had such a lovely, enrapturing voice that I, who normally zones out as soon as the mass begins, was mesmerised. It's such a pity that she doesn't read more often because our parish is very lacking in good orators.

I feel like this post was building up to something and it just never got there. What an anticlimax, I apologise.

*Any names used have been altered to protect the privacy of the persons in question.*