Life in Letters - Tag

Alex Richard George Day - made a video a week ago called life in letters, this post is clearly a response to it. Anyway Alex has been a major influence on how I view the world and the values I have today.

Bitch - "But not the traditional kind, the strong independent woman kind." Quote from my friend Danielle about me. I've always loved the sound of the word bitch. I think it's just got such a badass sound to it and I'm proud to use it to describe myself.

Calm - I like to think that I'm a pretty chill person and that I don't stress out over things too much. It's really important not let the little things in life work you up because that sort of pressure will drive a person insane.

Dreamer - I spend way too much time imagining the things I one day plan to do rather than doing them today. But I don't have the freedom to do the things I want right now.

Expressive - apparently I have a very expressive face. I've been told by too many people that I make really strange expressions and contortions of my face, often without intention. It seems my eyes and eyebrows are the biggest betrayers and the most active parts of my face.

Feminism - This has been a huge part of my life for so long now and not a day goes past when something doesn't happen to remind how unequal the world is. I know feminism has gotten a bad name from some people *cough*extreme feminists*cough*. The majority of feminists are not extremists though and simply believe and try to help create a more equal world.

Green Day - Also chosen by Alex Day but I couldn't think of a more fitting word beginning with G. Green Day are my favourite band of all time, in fact I wrote a blog post declaring them my favourite of all things which can be read here. I love their sound so much more than any band I've ever heard and their lyrics evoke as much thought in me as my history books ever have.

Hungry - I have a pretty massive appetite and since starting back to school this week it's gotten even bigger. I go to sleep hungry, I wake up hungry, I just can't seem to get enough food into me. I'm not that keen on the actual eating though. I eat pretty quickly because it feels like I'm wasting my time while I could be doing other things.

Introverted - I've always preferred my own company to other's. It's hard for me to talk to people I don't know well and even when I do know them I often don't feel like talking at all. I find this does make life very difficult especially when I'm in a situation where I don't know any of the people, which seems like that's all the situations I was in this past year. It's like I have a mental block when it comes to talking to people.

Jewellery - is a thing that I like to make, though I don't have a lot of time to do it. I like making original and interesting kinds of accessories because it's hard to find jewellery that I like at an affordable price.

Kay 'Kate' Anne Muldowney - is my name but I'm mostly called Kate because my parents are annoying like that and have called me everything other than Kay my entire life. So I'm Kate, nice to meet you.

Lace - Because it is my favourite material and I dream of one day having a long sleeved, ankle length, plain, lace dress that I would just wear on casual occasions, like to the supermarket. Preferably it would be white but black would be good too.

Messy - I have an inability to keep any area tidy. I clean my room up completely and three days later it's a mess again.

Night - I'm definitely a hight owl. I hate getting up in the morning but I do however feel more motivated the earlier in the day it is.

Oslo - is a city I really want to visit soon.

Potter - Harry Potter was a huge influence on my young life and I can't imagine who I would be today without those books. They gave me a place where I felt I fitted in and where I could be magic and special when I didn't believe that I was. They gave me a reason to have hope and to keep going. I honestly don't know if I would have survived some of those years if it were not for the adventures I went on with the trio.

Quiet - People always say that I'm quiet and it's true, I know but not by choice. If I could choose my lifestyle I'd be a social butterfly, always going somewhere and doing something. As it is I can't feel comfortable with any person until I've known them quite a while. Shy is the worst thing though. I hate when people call me shy because I'm not. I have no aversion to talking to strangers it's just that when I'm expected to have a conversation with one that I lose all control over my thoughts.

Respect - I try to treat everyone I meet with respect in the beginning because any relationship needs to have a good start. It pisses me off when teachers/parents etc. expect you to respect them regardless of the way they treat you. I'll treat you with respect until you are proven unworthy, at which point I'll disrespect you until you prove yourself worthy.

Sherlock - Alex may believe that you can tell how much a part of a fandom someone is by how much they give out about the thing but I think Sherlock is perfect and I wouldn't change anything about it. Yes it leaves me at the edge of my seat, yes it makes my heart race and simultaneously rips it to shreds but that's what a good story does. That's how it should be. The acting is on key, the writing is witty and so clever, the plots are intelligent and incredibly thought out. It may be almost completely different from the novels but I honestly don't mind that, much as I love Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's books.

Tumblr - is a site that I was addicted to, like many people, but I don't feel the need to check in on it any more. At the beginning of the summer I went to Irish college for three weeks where we weren't allowed mobiles, internet or ipods and we spoke Irish the entire time. When I came back I never got back into the habit of checking Tumblr and I slowly stopped caring about it. Occasionally I do log in still to see if there is anything interesting but mainly it's just the same mindless babble that you find on every social network. I really need to change the circle of people that I'm following.

Unoriginal - as you can tell from me doing a tag on the last day of BEDA. I steal other peoples jokes, I take story ideas from everywhere and combine them. I know that people say no idea can be fully original but many of them are more original than mine.

Virginity - is a thing that I have found.

Writing - is something that I love doing. It helps me to gather my thoughts and understand what they actually mean. It's also a really relaxing past-time. I love the idea of making up characters, worlds, stories, it feels like the greatest thing we have in this world - the ability to imagine other worlds that we have never experienced other than in our mind.

X - is for kisses because I love you, dearest reader.

Year - 1997 was the year I was born making me seventeen next February second.

Z - is for zip. Two reasons, one because I'm tired and can't think of anything else. Two because how the fuck did 'whoever' invent that thing? Ugh it is such a cool gadget, like, have you ever thought about the way it works and everything? Basically, I like zips a lot.

Tag - I tag Danielle because now that her BALA is over she will need motivation to blog again.

(BEDA may be finished but I'll still be blogging weekly, I promise xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)

- Kate

The Future of the Goof Hunt

Tomorrow is the last day of Blog Every Day in August. I am so greatly relieved by that fact. I've succeeded in blogging every single day of this  month and it was great and I really enjoyed it but now I'm ready for it to stop. It's hard to think of topics to write about when I'm spending all day sitting in a classroom listening to someone talk at me. Blogging is hard but I've definitely improved immensely at it this past month.

I hope to continue blogging at least once a week from September. I've gotten much better at writing about absolutely anything and doing my best to make it interesting but it's still super challenging especially while juggling school work. As I said previously I've started 5th year which means a lot of studying and I really want to stay focused this year. I know I'll need to push myself to the limits to keep up with the work and I'm prepared to do that, but I don't want my blog to suffer too.

So that's my plan and hopefully I'll see it through then same way I saw BEDA through.

-Kate

Pride and Prejudice

You're probably expecting this post to be about the novel by Jane Austen. That's prejudice. You judged this post prior to reading the entirety, but in fairness it's a misleading title.

You might know that in the first draft for Austen's book she called it First Impressions. Accurate but not quite as catchy as the revised version I think. Anyway this post is supposed to be about first impressions. But probably will end up being a school ramble.

I have a lot of new teachers this year that I have had no prior experience with and it's really interesting to me to start off the year examining their habits and teaching methods. From what I've seen so far (only day two I know) I seem to have relatively good teachers, by which I mean none that I feel like locking in the outdoor shed for a week.

I have a habit of reserving judgement of people until I have a fair amount of information about them, usually about 2-3 weeks worth, when it comes to teachers. I find it hard to understand how someone can have one class with a teacher and decide that they love them and they're amazing. I get that some teachers can have that effect and I suppose different types of teachers have that effect on different types of people.

I decided at the beginning of this year that I would go in with a completely open mind about all the teachers. Even the ones I had for Junior Cert and disliked and the ones I've heard horror stories about. It's been working well for me so far.

It may only be day two, but there has already been a mental breakdown among my friends. I haven't found fifth year stressful yet even though I'm already weighed down with homework. I guess that will come when I begin to fall behind on learning. (Which will be NEVER. I've keeping on top of everything this year, she said for the fifth year in a row.)

That's all we've got time for today folks, join me tomorrow when I probably will not have anything more interesting to say to you.

Premature Nostalgia

Looking for Alaska, The Perks of being a Wallflower, Paper Towns.

I don't read a lot of real-world YA novels, preferring the foreign lands of high fantasy, but anytime I read this sort of book I get a strange sense of nostalgia and foreboding. It's nostalgia for my lost teenage years that I'll never again get back as well as foreboding for the regret I fear I'll feel in ten years for wasting my youth studying.

The thing is, I'm sixteen years old and the characters in these books are roughly my age but I can't seem to relate my own life to them at all. I'm consumed by exams and study stress whereas their lives are full of excitement and adventure. These books are full of teens who run away from home, go to indie music concerts, road-trips, play pranks, smoke, date, do drugs and generally just enjoy life. I realise that these are such stereotypical teenage things to do and that smoking and doing drugs are not advisable ways to live but there is still a yearning inside of me to live the life of a criminal and a vandal. These kids live their lives with very little regard for the rest of the world, they have fun and they make memories with the people they love. I don't feel like I have done any of these things that I have so far listed.

I've never disobeyed my parents (at least in nothing bigger than staying up half the night online when I was told to go to bed), I've never been to any kind of concert, I'm too young to drive, the biggest prank I pulled was on April first when I was ten and stuffed my bed so it looked like I was still asleep, I hate the smell of tobacco smoke, I go to an all-girls school and only have a casual acquaintance with a few male beings and I have never tried drugs. I constantly feel like I'm not achieving anything with my life and tell myself that when I finish school my life will begin but in my heart I know that it already has and I'm just not doing anything with it.

I suppose this is why I get such a peculiar feeling when I read books by John Green and Stephen Chbosky. It's a feeling of longing to go out and live a crazy life with my friends and forget for a few hours what the consequences might be. And I suppose this is partly the Gryffindor within me that wants to let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen, firing arrows into the sunset. But hey, anything is possible if you have confidence and a focused mind right? (I'm adopting that as my life motto now.)

So maybe I'm wasting my youth and maybe I'll regret it in the future. But how can I know I wouldn't regret it more if I skipped school and failed my exams? Maybe it's not possible to live a life free of regretful things and maybe we should all try to be Zen. Or maybe we just wish for a life more exciting than our own because we can never be satisfied with the one we have.

Wasting my life away, as usual

I'm a big fan of web shows and I think they are massively under-rated creations so here are some of my favourites in order.

1. Husbands: A hilarious story of two celebrities making the best of their sham wedding after waking up in Vegas. One a well respected base-baller, the other a scandalous icon of the media, they decide to make their situation work to preserve the good name of homosexual marriage. With two seasons out and a third on the way I don't understand why this isn't super mainstream popular already. Or you know, YouTube's equivalent.

 2. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries: Based on the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and co-written and produced by one half of the Vlogbrothers, Hank Green, this one of the best web shows I've seen. It's clearly created by people who understand YouTube and vlogging and are well able to imitate that method. It's finished now but not to worry there are plenty of spin-off series if you look for them.

3. Squaresville: Described as being very Paper Towns-like it is the story of two friends and their struggle to find purpose in their hormone, angst filled, teenage lives. It's funny and clever with an incredible cast and writers. Filled with hipsters, nerds and just regular-joes this is a show for every teenager, but just as much for anyone who has gone the road before.

4. Job Hunters: If the Hunger Games and Big Brother had a kid this would be it. (Bear in mind I've never watched an episode of Big Brother but it's basically prospective celebrities living in a house together and when they get out they are famous right?)
The contestants come from all different job backgrounds but only one of them can finally succeed and win the place. They have to fight each other to the death to prove their worth.
A witty and powerful show, I really hope they can make a second season.

5. Hipsterhood: I watched all of season 1 just tonight and I'm addicted. It's a satirical take on the whole Hipster revolution and just about everyone in the show is labelled as a hipster. I like it a lot even though I don't really like any of the characters. Definitely for you if you're the sort that constantly finds themselves scorning other's hipsterhood. Or if you're constantly scorned over you're hipsterhood. Or if you dream of being a hipster. Or if you have no idea what a hipster is. Just about anybody should watch it really.

Bonus
Malice: I started watching this one aeons ago, or so it seems, when there were only a few episodes. Now there is a full season and I can't wait to watch it again. It's a spooky story and gives me the creeps but I suggest you watch it. It's really well made especially for such a small budget, which I know it has.

Each of these are amazing shows and everyone involved should be ridiculously proud of themselves. I loved every minute I wasted watching them and I'd do it again too. Continue making awesome stuff, you guys keep me young.

Shit, I'm an adult

It's really odd to me that in such a short time, almost completely unperceived, one's life-plan can change so dramatically.

I used to hate the conventional way of living - nine to five job, house, car, family, kids (I still hate the latter two) - because of what it meant to me. It meant a monotonous life full of financial worries, a dead-end marraige, bawling babies and tenacious teens. It meant sacrificing my life to other people, looking after a family until I'm old and withered. It meant never achieving anything for myself because I'm busy working a job so as to make sure my kids in the future could get a job like mine and continue the tedious cycle of life. It meant never having adventures and never having exciting stories to tell. And frankly it sounds down-right boring.

I want to see the world, have a hundred different jobs in foreign lands, make friends, maybe fall in love, all the while moving, never staying in one place too long. (Because staying the same means getting comfortable and comfort means BORING.) I want to go hitch-hiking and stay shitty hostels, I want to go on spontaneous road-trips with my friends and decide to go to France at a moments notice. I want to do charity work and write a novel, make a short film and act on stage. I want to climb a mountain, jump out of an airplane and swim with sharks. I want freedom and I want excitement.

But now I'm sixteen years old and I begin my first day in fifth year tomorrow. That means I start studying for my Leaving Certificate examinations and that means work and lots of it. The Leaving is the most important exam that most students in Ireland will ever do. The points you get dictate what courses you are able to do in college and what college you can get into.
I don't know what I want to do after school. I know I want to go to college and get a degree but after that it's a mystery.

But over the last few months I've vaguely noticed a change in how I'm thinking about my future. I've started thinking - and how I dread to say it - ...practically. I've started thinking about...money. And like my financial prospects and how I need to get a job and...ugh.
I feel like I've finally done it. I've finally figured out how you know when you've grown up. When you stop looking at the world as you're oyster and start looking at the possible income you'd get from selling the pearl. Some people will tell you thinking practically is a good thing, it's sensible, but these are most likely business people and I don't want to think like a business person, always looking for an opportunity to make money. I'm a Gryffindor in everything I believe and I don't value thinking practically. In other people sure, it's always good to have a practical thinking side-kick, every good hero needs that, but I would rather see myself as spontaneous - foolish if you wish - than cautious.

More recently though, I find myself thinking about what is the most practical thing for me to study in college, in order to get a good job. Where the fuck did that idea come from? I never wanted a job before, I never cared about financial issues but that's not to say that I spend my money carelessly. I don't believe in living materialistically because in the end everything is just stuff. And I really don't need all this stuff, as pretty as they might look.

I want to remind myself what it was that I hated about practical thinking, remind myself never to grow up. Never to get obsessed with money issues and petty family life. I want to remember the freedom that I always associated adulthood with when I was younger and not waste that privilege on boring things when the prospects are so excitingly endless. I want to enjoy life as fully as I possibly can, without burdening myself with stress and worries.

Kate, don't ever be anything but free.

Blue Eyes and Blond Hair - Truly Hitler's Child

Sometimes you watch a show or a film and the events that occur are so clichéd, unrealistic and over-used that one has to think how the writers still continue to think it adds anything desirable to their work. Then sometimes that very thing happens to you in real life and you are forced to eat your words and admit that perhaps the writers are not as ridiculous as previously perceived.

I went to watch a series of monologues by a theatre group yesterday night in a quaint, tavern like pub called The Hole in the Wall. After the show we realised that my former piano teacher's son was also there and we started talking. I won't hold anything back here - mainly because it would take from the comedic reality of the situation.
He was about twenty five and he was very attractive with curly blond hair, bright blue eyes the shade of sapphires and the most infectious smile I've ever seen on a person. He was tall and handsome, basically but not in the in-your-face kind of way. More in a reserved, modest fashion and he was just a super charming, sweet kind of guy.

Anyway we were all talking sort of generally and then he asked me what age I was and I completely blanked. I can't describe what happened in my head at that moment. He just turned to me suddenly and I was so taken off my guard by his piercing stare and stunning smile. My gaze was caught up in his and I hadn't the slightest clue what age I was. So I said the first thing that came to my head.

"Um, I don't know..."

Come on, Kate, your age. You know this one, you know it. I can't imagine how I must have looked, simply standing there unable to recall a simple number that is ingrained into every human being. He looked at me with a sort of confused expression on his face and with a slightly incredulous tone repeated, "You don't know?"

I didn't notice what happened after that. I think everyone was laughing and I suppose I laughed along with them too. It was a mortifying experience. Sometimes I wonder how I haven't been torn to shreds by the world already.

Day in the Life of a Queen Bee

The Queen bee is one of the most majestic creatures of the insect world. Despite being so tiny, in a world inhabited by so many massive creatures, they still appear to think they that they are the most important beings on this planet.

Exhibit 1: Her Royal and magnificent majesty, Queen Hivian, flies out of her hive on some nameless stately errand. Seeing a clear short cut she accelerates and speeds through a doorway getting a fleeting glimpse of the Human Hive before she'll be straight back in open air and - SMACK! 

"Who dares attack the noble Queen Hivian the third, lone survivor of the great virgin queen war of 2012? I'll tear you to pieces! I'll sting you with my super queen strength stinger! Come out and fight me you miserable featherweight!"

All the while she scrabbles at the glass pane convinced somehow that she will overcome this expansive, invisible force that is clearly far stronger than she. One has got to admire her persistence.

10 minutes later: Finally deciding that maybe she can't break the forcefield, she sits down and pants, her stinger end shaking.

"Okay, okay stay calm. Don't freak out, I'm the motherfucking Queen Bee. My workers will come and find me. Soon someone will realise I'm missing and come looking for me. Won't be long now. They'll bring the whole swarm for me and together we'll bring down these puny humans who haven't even the courage to face me themselves.

But just in case they don't get here for a while..."

Goes back to breaking down the window. Pain means nothing where there is a prospect of freedom.

Tyrannasaurouslex appreciation

I've recently rediscovered my love for Lex Croucher aka Tyrannosauruslexxx on YouTube. I started watching her in 2010 stopped watching most people on YouTube at the beginning of this summer. I've now been reminded how ridiculously talented and funny Lex is. Also I kind of want to steal her hair. I've been watching some of her earliest videos where her hair is so beautiful and I really want it.

Lex's voice is the sort that I could listen to all day. They sort that you imagine singing a baby to sleep. She's such a talented musician and song-writer and her music arrangement is amazing.
Lex is one of the few YouTubers who hasn't changed her username to her real name with the youtube updates and I don't know why that I really respect that. I feel like youtubers build up a separate identity around their username and by merging the two it's as if they are attempting to convince the viewers that they are exactly the person they show themselves to be. I'm not saying that all youtubers lie to their viewers but they certainly don't share every part of their lives. They just seem to me, to lose some of their credibility when they pretend to be their online persona.

Lex is a superbly outspoken woman and feminist and she refuses to put up with peoples shit. I appreciate Lex so much and I hope she continues to make content for us.

x

Riverrun - Olwen Fouéré

A week ago I went to see Riverrun with Olwen Fouéré, in the Watergate theatre. I don't know how to describe the experience without making it seem less than it was. It was an incredible performance. For those of you who aren't familiar with Olwen Fouéré she is a free-lance actor, writer and theatre artist born on the west coast of Ireland to French parents.

Riverrun is such a beautiful, theatrical composition combining music, poetry, lighting and certain amount of dance. Fouéré energises the entire stage so that even though she is alone reciting a monologue that no one in the audience understands it never feels that way. She brings a sort of confidence that contagiously carries you along with the flow of the river.

Her speech is based on the work of James Joyce, Finneagan's Wake. Listening to Fuoéré ramble off half gibberish testimonies of impeccable word play and verses of pure emotion made me desperately want to read this novel. I think that is the most impressive part of this performance, how much feeling she manages to compress into a single dialogue. Along with the incredible lighting it created a mesmerizing, intense hour. The tone set by the darkened stage and expression in her voice is beautiful.

This post has not done her justice I realise because I'm not feeling very well tonight. But also nothing I could ever say could recommend her enough to you. I'd definitely go to see Olwen Fouéré again if I ever get the chance. And so should you.

I don't want to do this

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Blogging is hard
Like your mom.

There was a young man from Spain
Who blogged all day out in the rain
He came in at night
To get a quick bite
And went back to unbearable pain

Blogging can sometimes be so much of fun
Right now I'd prefer to shoot my foot with a gun

Sometimes my mind
fills with dust
like the sky
full of rain clouds

I'm not a blogger
I'm not a poet
I'm just a dreamer
Hell, do I know it

Rants and Ramblings

I've been enjoying BEDA more than I imagined I could this past month but the last few days I haven't been in the mood. It's been great having something that I have to do every day but I'm tiring of it. I'll stick it out to the end though of course. Only a week or so left.

I've been getting back into twitter recently after banishing it from my life for maybe a year. I'm not nearly witty enough for it but I still enjoy the simplicity of such short messages. It allows me to just release thoughts from my mind without feeling like I'm annoying people like I would on facebook, because anyone who is following me is doing it because they chose to and not because they know me in real life and feel some obligation to keep up the pretence that we stay in touch or something. (I don't really no why I'm friends with half the people on facebook.) And I don't know if this spewing of thoughts is a good thing, I know many people complain that it is the worst part of the internet. The fact that 'young people' have a place where they can complain and bitch and they forget that it's 'forever online'.

My parents are getting really clingy and I'm not liking it at all. They keep talking to me and my sister about the 'dangers of the world' and I'm freaking out that they'll send me to a fucking convent or something equally drastic. I'm well aware of how fucked up this world is, possible more so than they are, but locking me up until I'm 21 isn't going to make me any less vulnerable to the dangers. It'll do the exact opposite and I'm worried they really don't see that. I get that they see it as their responsibility to protect me while I'm still a minor but I don't suddenly become self-sufficient when I'm 21, which in their books is an adult. I resent their subconscious belief that growing up is about a number when that is the biggest load of bullshit.
They treat me like I'm some inbecile who only follows other people. Like I can't think for myself and decide what is the 'right' thing to do. They judge everyone based on their own narrow minded traps and assume that we all think exactly the same.

I'm starting to feel what I've always heard people say about teenagers. That they think they know better than everyone else. I'm not saying that I do but it sure as hell feels that way right now. It's starting to feel like I'm the only one with any real sense in this god forsaken place and I can tell you school can't start soon enough for me. I'm sick of my family's company.

Fillers

I'm not in the mood for writing a proper post today. So feel free not to read it. I'm just going to talk about stuff and whatever. Like this band that I discovered a month or so ago called Streetlight Manifesto. They have a really great sound to their songs and their lyrics are simply stirring and refreshing. They're a ska punk group from New Jersey with a really prominent reggae feel to some of their songs. Their songs are pretty catchy and I like them a lot.

Last week I was walking down High Street during my lunch break and there was a proper crowd of people around the town hall where a man was singing Come Healing by Leonard Cohen, which is a favourite song and artist of my choir teacher. He had a microphone and stand set up and so many people had stopped their everyday lives to watch. It reminded me of youtube for some reason. Somehow he gathered all these people to him just like some videos go viral ridiculously quickly, when other buskers and singers scrape by with a few coins and a few interested viewers. I don't understand how this works. It feels like it's always the more professional looking and sounding of creators that get the huge amounts of viewers, even in real life. I just find it strange.

So apparently One Direction have a movie coming out or something? That's the news on Spotify. I seem to be relating everything to youtube these days because the first thing this made me think of was vlogging. I'm not a fan of One Direction's music and I always get a little tickle of irritation when I hear about celebrities releasing movies about their life. But it's not the fact that the musicians are sucking money out of their fans by providing product after product for them to buy. It's the fact that people continue to buy them. And I'm not innocent of this either. Well I am but if my favourite bands released films and everything I would want to see them too. I know I would, I'm just lucky enough, I guess, to like bands who don't drain their fans for everything they're worth. It saddens me though that we as people are so weak that we need idols to cling to and dream about. It doesn't feel like a healthy way to live our lives.

In conclusion: fuck. fuck fuck fuck. I honestly don't care anymore.

The Chronicles of a Childhood Drama Queen #1

I was a stuck up, arrogant, vain, selfish little girl when I was younger. I can see that, now that I've grown up somewhat. I know I could have been so much worse, I could have been a bully, but I think it’s important to realise that just because someone was the victim of bullying as a child, or teenager, it doesn't mean they were nice innocent people at the time. (For the record, children aren't innocent they are fucking monsters, don’t trust them.)

So like I said I could have been a bully and made life horrible for others but I was so wrapped up in my own life and making sure I got what I wanted that I didn't care much for anyone. So here follows the story of my childhood and my realisation that I was not a golden wonder child that glowed inside and out.

I didn't attend pre-school, instead I started Junior Infants at four years of age in a tiny school in the middle of a tiny parish inhabited mainly by old age pensioners (sorry, ‘senior citizens’). There were three girls, one boy and myself in my class. Our school was so small that the first four classes consisting of children 4-9 year olds, were in one classroom and the older four classes of 9-12 year olds were in another. We had two teachers, a secretary and a special education teacher who came in a couple of times a week to help kids with slight learning disabilities. This was the place I spent my first eight years of education. This was where I met my first friend, first enemy, first crush, first bully. It was a place of many firsts for me and in this series of blog posts I plan to tell them to you for the first time.

For the first 3-4 years of school my life was pretty simple, I knew how everything worked, I got on well with my class, I stayed out of the way of big kids and the teachers liked me. My best friend was your stereotypical perfect-popular girl. Well, you know, for seven year olds. Loved by teachers and students alike she was pretty and clever and had an older brother which gave her special ‘Big One’ privileges in the playground. (Like for real, we called the older kids the Big Ones and the youngers the Little Ones. Also everyone in the Little Ones classroom referred to the teacher as Yes. No-one ever understood why but we always did it. I think it must have stemmed from the mishearing of Miss. But no-one ever questioned it we just always called her that. She gave up trying to stop the habit. It went on for years, as in from the time I started school to after I left. For all I know it’s still happening. Then magically when we entered the Big Ones classroom we stopped. It was social suicide for a Big One to call a teacher Yes. And of course we immediately picked up the habit of mocking the Little Ones for calling their teacher Yes. Children can be so naively cruel.)

Everyone wanted to be BFFs with this girl, who for the purpose of this blog we will refer to as B. (Because A could get confusing.)

There was another girl in my class who desperately wanted to be best friends with B. We’re going to call her C. Understand that I hated this girl, C. She was trying to steal my best friend and that was something I couldn’t afford to let happen. Besides that she was just a nasty child, in my childly opinion. She was unintelligent, unfriendly and unpretty. You don’t have to tell me I was a shallow bitch. It’s not that I was even a particularly attractive child, I just had a majorly high opinion of myself and therefore a really low one of everyone else. C was also a major tell-tale, which ought to have won her countless enemies but somehow she still managed to stay high up in the social chain. I credited this to the way she dogged B’s heels as though afraid she would lose sight of her for a second. As well as all this she was the worst person I've ever known for bragging. She got all the newest games and consoles and dolls as well as clothes, DVDs, music, anything she wanted. She lost no time in making sure everyone knew she had them. She always had a story to tell about something interesting, great or funny that she or someone she knew had done - which incidentally never was interesting, great or funny at all, but it never stopped her from telling everyone. And of course she was trying  to steal my best friend. Not to mentioned that she clearly hated me. I have to be honest when I say that she was the first person I experienced bullying from. She did everything to keep me away from B so that she could be alone with her to talk about everyone in the school. I can’t recall the particulars but I know she made many a bitchy comment to me and though I was never one to believe people who told me kids were only mean because they were jealous, but I know for a fact that with C it was pure jealousy through and through. I think she believed herself that I was really B’s Bestest friend and it ate her up inside. When questioned, as she was weekly by C, who her BFFF was, B would respond that we were both her BFFFs! But of course I knew, I knew that she only said that to spare C’s feelings! Truly I was her only BFFF!

I’ve mentioned very little about the third girl in my class who becomes very important later on. For now it’s enough to say that she was part of our friend group but none of us had any say in the friends we had as there was so little choice in our sorry excuse for a school. We all went to each others parties, played together at lunch, invited each other to our houses and acted very much as though we were friends. In truth the only person I liked was B and only then because she popular and known by everyone. Almost subconsciously I saw her as a way to stay at the top of the social tower and even though then I didn’t understand the full importance of social life I knew I was safer being at the top.

None of us shared anything in common because none of us had any real interests. Looking back I realise how much my childhood was controlled by others. We played with the toys that were advertised on TV, we listened to the music that was played on the radio, we watched the shows that everyone was talking about, but none of it because we viewed it as good. We did it because everyone else was and we knew no different. That's what being a child is about. It's about following others because we have not yet discovered what is ours. It's about doing as we're told before we figure out why. No one explains anything to you as a child, you have to pick up pieces as you go and eventually build the full picture. Even when you're older you're constantly build a bigger and greater picture, one that is never complete until you have all the information that exists about everything. Which simply is not available at this time. But growing up is about using what you know to make your own decisions rather than just following orders. That is what makes the difference between a child and an adult.

Also Setting Goals

A couple of days ago Danielle wrote a post about setting realistic goals and knowing what is the best that you can do. Before setting goals you need to figure out what your limitations are, as difficult as this might be. I like to compare setting goals to buying insurance. Before buying say, house insurance, you have to value your house. Overvaluing it is pointless because you'll end up paying a higher premium and still only ever receive compensation for the real value. Undervaluing is an equally bad idea as you won't be compensated for the necessary amount, in the event damage.
The same goes in setting goals for yourself. Underestimating your abilities will only succeed in preventing yourself from reaching your full potential and overconfidence in your capacity leads to huge disappointments when the inevitable failure arrives.

My aim this school year is to figure out what my capabilities are. I'm going to push myself to the limit and work harder than I've ever done before. I need to know honestly how capable I am in terms of academia because up until now I've always done as little work as possible without disappointing myself with complete failure. I've accepted whatever grade I got because I knew that I hadn't worked my hardest. I didn't care very much as long as I passed.

But I'm going into Leaving Cert now and I still don't know what I want to do when I leave school. Because of this I really want to keep my options wide open by getting the highest possible points I can in the exam. I plan to figure out what exactly that is by working as hard as I know how this year.

My Favourite...

So today's theme is favourite. Just one favourite. My ultimate favourite. My favourite of favourites. Yeah I've done it, favourite doesn't look like a real word anymore...

I hate choosing favourites, it's something I have steadfastly refused to do in the past but here we are and I need to decide what is the one thing I love most in the world. And I think I have to choose Green Day.

When it comes to music I was a pretty late bloomer. When I was younger I didn't know anything about the charts or what music was popular, hell the only singer I even knew the name of was Britney Speares and I didn't really know any of her music. All of my friends would talk about new songs that were out and their favourite singers and I'd pretend I knew exactly what they were talking about and agree that the new Beyoncé song was the super catchy. I was about ten when I first started listening to the radio at home and singing along to the current chart toppers. My first love was Rihanna and Avril Lavigne but I then discovered a slightly more rock station that didn't constantly play the newest pop. This was where I first heard of Green Day.

I fell in love with their music and Billie Joe Armstrong's voice immediately. It honestly was love at first listen. Everything about their sound enchanted me and awakened something in my heart that no other music ever had before. They opened my mind to a world outside of the romance focused pop I was used to. So after that I spent hours listening to the radio waiting and hoping that they would play Green Day. And when they did I sang along as loudly as I dared with my bedroom door closed hoping my siblings wouldn't hear and come to mock me. (The joy of having older brothers.)

Billie Joe was my first celebrity crush. Before I even knew what he looked like I was obsessed. He was the first person I ever idolised and still remains a massive role model to me. I don't remember when I eventually saw the band for the first time but it only increased my love for them. Their look matched so perfectly with their sound and it was everything I had expected. Everything from Billie Joe's hair and guy-liner to Tré's slightly creepy, cheeky smile and Mike's tattoos escalated my obsession until they were practically all I thought about.

I remember when their album 21st Century Breakdown was released and to my ecstatic delight, their songs became more frequent occurrences on the radio. I learned to recognise their songs just by the first guitar cord and would immediately jump up to turn up the volume. I could even recognise a song I'd never heard before by Billie Joe's voice after a single syllable sometimes. He has incredibly unique vocals and the most beautiful, mesmerizing voice I've ever heard.

Green Day has shaped who I am today, the music I listen to, my sense of humour and many of my values. I can't imagine the person I would be if I had never discovered they're music at such a young age because they introduced me to such realism and authenticity that defines this world. They have been the single most influential thing in my life so it's only right I name them my favourite. My favourite favourite.

The Ice Cream Expert

Yesterday I made ice-cream which it looks beautiful and tastes like heaven. So now I will show it to you and teach you how to do the same.

And as my Junior Cert Home Ec. teacher would say, no dish is complete without a garnish!

I took the original recipe from 'smart savvy living' and made three different flavours with it. So here is my super easy ice-cream recipe.

Total Ingredients (Everthing you need!):

464g / 2 cups double cream

397g / 14 ounces condensed milk

88g dark chocolate

2 tbs cocoa powder

4 tbs whole grain flour or plain flour

4 tbs granulated (caster) sugar

2 tbs vegetable oil

2 tbs water

60 ml / 4 tbs Golden syrup

100g granulated (caster) sugar

1 1/2 tsp bread (bicarbonate) soda

Strawberries/raspberries/blueberries etc. (quantity according to your preference)

Chocolate Brownies:

2 tbs cocoa powder

4 tbs whole grain flour or plain flour

(whole grain gives a grittier, oatier texture which I like especially in the ice-cream)

4 tbs granulated (caster) sugar

2 tbs vegetable oil

2 tbs water

(I used a microwave brownie recipe for this dish because it's quick and easy and I didn't have enough chocolate to make regular brownies as well as ice-cream.)

1. Put the sugar, flour and cocoa in a bowl and mix.
2. Add the oil and water and stir until combined.
3. Spread onto a microwave proof plate and flatten.
4. Microwave for 60 - 90 seconds. They should still quite soft but not gooey.
5. Cut into small, bite-sized chunks (remember they will be very hard when frozen) and allow to cool.

Honeycomb:

60 ml / 4 tbs Golden syrup

100g granulated (caster) sugar

1 1/2 tsp bread (bicarbonate) soda

1. Put the sugar and and syrup into a saucepan and stir together.
2. Place pan on the heat and let mixture first melt, then turn to goo and then to a bubbling mass - approx. 3 minutes. Do not stir once on the heat.
3. Take off the heat and and whisk in the bread soda. Once it has risen into an aerated cloud turn immediately onto a sheet of greased baking parchment. Do not attempt to spread it once poured out.
4. Leave until it has set and gone hard, then bash so that it breaks into smithereens.

Other Ingredients

464g / 2 cups double cream

397g / 14 ounces condensed milk

88g dark chocolate

Making the Ice-cream:

1. Divide the condensed milk into three different bowls, each containing approximately the same quantity.
2. Chop up your selection of berries into small chunks, always keeping in mind that they will be frozen solid.
3. Stir in the fruit into one bowl and the broken honeycomb into another. Leave the brownie aside for now.
4. I used 88g of dark chocolate because it was all that was in my house but apply the quantity to your own preference. I did turn out a deliciously rich chocolate fyi.
5. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pot of water or in the microwave.
6. While chocolate is melting beat the double cream with an electric mixer until thick but not overly stiff.
7. Stir the melted chocolate into the remaining bowl of condensed milk until combined. Then add the chunk of brownie and mix.
8. Gently fold in a third of the cream into each bowl and continue mixing until smooth.
9. Pour into Tupperware containers, cover and freeze for 6 hours.

Parachutes are important, okay?

Danielle and I were looking at blog post idea generators for inspiration. And they are really bad. Like super awful. So naturally we decided to use them.

Welcome to 'Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Parachutes' ft. Incredibly Awful Puns.

1. Coldplay fell into the music industry with their debut album Parachutes in 2000.

2. Parachute is a town in Colorado, USA with a descending population of approximately 1,006.

3. Parachute is the brand name of a selection of coconut based hair products. Unfortunately their sales have dropped dramatically in recent years.

4. Parachuting is a slang term for wrapping powdered drugs in toilet paper and swallowing, to prevent tasting the chemicals. But unlike regular parachuting, this doesn't  lessen the plunge after being so high.

5. Parachute journalism is the term given when a reporter is dropped into reporting on an area where they have little knowledge. This sort of management regularly leads to a down-fall in accurate journalism.

6. Parachute pants reached their peek in popularity during the 1980s due to the high numbers of people, mainly male, who became part of the cultural obsession with breakdancing. One could say the parachute pants helped break their fall, or were at least more comfortable to wear when falling in with the music.

7. Within a BDSM relationship a parachute collar may be used to fasten around the scrotum and hang weights from it on chains. Personally I find this behaviour a bit of a drag but many people are up for it.

8. Parachute is a Christian music festival held in New Zealand that has been flying rings around every other multi-day festival outside of the US since 1991.

Don't tell me I didn't try super hard to make this topic interesting for you. I promise to work on better puns for next time. (NEXT TIME? I hear you wail. I'm sorry my friend, I truly am.)

What is Fashion?

I used to find the whole idea of trends and fashion completely materialistic, I thought it didn't fit in with my values at all. Since then I've taken myself down a notch and re-evaluated a lot of my beliefs. It's safe to say I was stuck pretty far up my own behind at that time but I like to think I've crawled back out now.

I don't like putting a lot of effort into my own styling of the clothing I wear and I'm not very skilled at that kind of thing. Literally the only rule of styling that I knew before this summer was don't wear navy-blue and black together. While spending three weeks in an Irish summer college, I learned from my friend that you also shouldn't wear something baggy on top and bottom. If you're wearing baggy trousers wear a tight top and vice versa. I think that is just one of her rules though. She did try to educate me on other rules in styling too but I've forgotten them all by now. Shows you exactly how much interest I have in it.

It annoys me however that so much emphasis is put on what we wear. If want to slouch around in my comfy tracksuits I shouldn't have to bother about how people will think of me. I also find it weird that there are dress codes to specific events and that tracksuits and jeans aren't acceptable clothing in many work environments. This brings me on to hair colour and style, piercings, tattoos etc. Why is it that we live in a culture that frowns upon a lack of effort in the clothing department and then frowns upon an effort to accessorise one's body? Is it that we have some innate belief that laziness is bad and because these accessories are permanent that implies the user is some kind of waster? I honestly can't figure it out. On the outside our society encourages individuality and uniqueness but in practice it does everything possible to drag us into conformity.

And to me that is what fashion is all about. It's an art form used to express a sense of originality and self identity and when done well it can be one of the most powerful expressions of opinion. The problem is that conventional fashion has turned into the complete opposite of that. Trends are set by some unknown identity (that may be a fashion designer or may be an evil dictator fulfilling their dream of world domination) and people follow them. Where is the creativity? Where is the expression of thought? It amazes me that we have succeeded in turning what was once a clear outlet for making a statement into another monotonous queue of sheep. This is why we can't have nice things.

The Breaking of a Free Spirit

Last night I attended a showing of the Taming of the Shrew by the Globe theatre production company on tour. I'm not going to do a review on the show or talk their performance - suffice to say they were wonderful and entertaining and if you ever get a chance to see them live don't miss it. But today I want to talk about the story. SPOILER ALERT, obviously.

The Taming of the Shrew may be a well known as a Shakespearean comedy but by the end it felt much like a death had occurred. Which in some sense it had. The story follows a wealthy man, Baptista's two daughters Katherina and Bianca, the first and eldest is difficult and independent, the second and younger beautiful and humble. Many suitors come to win Bianca's hand in marriage but her father refuses to allow her until her elder sister is wedded first. So it falls that Petruchio arrives and encouraged by Katherina's expansive dowry agrees to woo her. Intrigued by his eagerness where every other man has been afraid ever to step and his charming way with words, she permits his presence. Petruchio announces then that she is completely in love with him and despite her protests declares them to be wed the following Sunday. At the wedding Petruchio turns up late in a drunken state and assaults the priest before carrying Katherina away against her will, claiming her as his property just as much as his lands and house.
In his home he deprives her of food, sleep and clean clothing claiming for his reasons that she is too good for any of it. His true objective is however to force her into obedience like one would a dog or a horse.

If you have read the play or watched the film you might be thinking that I'm over reacting with my feminist views but I'm telling you what was in the play I saw. I have previously watched the film and though I felt slightly uncomfortable at times, it seemed as though Katherina could give as good as she got when it came to Petruchio. In the live performance though I did not see this. It bore every resemblance to an abusive relationship, both physical and psychological and I felt sick watching it.

I have never been more disgusted and afraid for human kind than sitting there in my seat listening to the raucous laughter from the audience as Petruchio forced his wife to greet an elderly gentleman as a young maiden. That a woman so determined and self-governing, so unwilling to be anyone's wife could so quickly be turned into a feeble and powerless slave to her husband - it was heartbreaking to watch.

I was ready to start sobbing by the end but a sort of shock seemed to hold back the tears that brimmed my eyes. Katherina's closing speech was in reference to a bet Petruchio had made with two other gentlemen about who's wife was the most submissive and compliant. Her own eyes filled with tears she had declared under Petruchio's order that a wife duty was to serve her husband in his every want and there was no point in refusing to do so for it would only start a war that she could not possibly win. It was easier then, to follow his orders to keep the peace for no good would ever come from fighting her husband.

"I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;"

She implored to anyone for a reason why women's bodies were so fragile and weak compared to men's and her sister and the others stared open mouthed at the shocking transformation that had come over her. Bianca, who was previously seen as a soft-willed woman was horrified at how yielding her older sister had become and appeared in comparison to be immensely confident and self-determining.

I say it is a Shakespearean tragedy because by the end of the story Katherina's will was broken and her freedom murdered. I don't mean anything against the Globe Theatre company because they put on a magnificent performance nor do I suggest you strive to take any values of Shakespeare from this play because a person's writing may in no way reflect their beliefs. I just wanted to have a little rant.