I don't even know what months are anymore

December 23. Where the fuck did the time go.

I haven't been blogging as much as I wish. To make up for that I'm going to blog daily for the rest of this week. It's Christmas after all, the time for giving.

I feel really guilty because I haven't been writing at all lately. I don't count the diary I've been keeping since July because it's literally just a stream of thoughts and I don't even remember writing half of it when I read back over. I've been neglecting everything in my life lately. My ambitions, my future, my school work, my relationships, even my favourite TV shows are being put aside. I can't say what I'm even doing instead. I'm spending too much time inside my own head and yet I don't feel like I'm spending enough time there.

As an introvert I need alone time. I need to think things over and evaluate situations and feelings and if I don't get to do that I start to unravel. Lately all I've had time for is school, homework, talking to my boyfriend and sleep. I haven't written in my diary in about two weeks. I haven't opened the blinds in my room in over a month. On top of that I haven't kept up this blog.

I've mentioned before how important A Hitcher's Goof Hunt is to my mental processing and overall peace of mind. I just never seem to make time for it. It's also an outlet for me to document my life, practice my writing and do something productive while simultaneously procrastinating. What more can you ask for?

The year is almost at an end and you know what that means. New year's resolutions that I will never keep! Yeaaayy!
I don't actually know why I bother anymore.

OMG MORE SCHOOL

I know I'm probably boring all my non-existent readers to death by not writing for a month and then just talking about school again but fact is I have nothing else going on in my life. La vida de los jóvenes puede ser muy triste.

I ought to be studying or writing my history essay or some such boring activity right now but as the old saying goes, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow. That's what they say, isn't it?

I look at other people in my school and I know that they are working today as they plan to next year again, they're keeping on top of their work and getting the highest grades they can achieve. And I know they're doing this so they won't fall behind next year and have to stress out before the Leaving Cert exams. They're doing it so they'll get good grades and get into the college of their choice.

I can see all of this from an outsider's point of view. Like I'm not the one in the exact same position. It hasn't yet hit me that I'm doing my leaving cert next year. My last year of school is next year. I'll have to start applying to colleges next year. Thinking about what course I want to do, NEXT YEAR. It feels like yesterday when I was a little twelve year old starting secondary school. Yesterday when went to Germany on my second year school trip. Yesterday when I did my Junior cert examinations. Yesterday when I went to Rome with my friends.

We enter this world and are told we can be anyone, do anything we want. We are given encouragement that is just lies as the people around us know that eventually we will realise that technically we can do whatever we love but most of us will choose that which pays well. Even now, less than half a year from becoming seventeen, people still chuck at me the shit they so desperately want to believe themselves. And by people yes, of course I mean adults. Teachers, parents, hopeful young adults, they all want to believe that they are getting somewhere with their lives. They are encouraging young students to get the best out of life and follow their dreams. They are raising inspirational teenagers who will change the world. They are saying things and doing things as much to convince themselves as to convince us.

I know there are people who make a solid living out of what they love. I know there are people who love their lives and want for nothing. I know there are people who are truly making a difference in this world.
I know it's not as hopeless a place as I've made out but there just don't seem to be enough happy people out there.

Is it really so difficult to find the thing you love doing and do it?

Pride and Prejudice

You're probably expecting this post to be about the novel by Jane Austen. That's prejudice. You judged this post prior to reading the entirety, but in fairness it's a misleading title.

You might know that in the first draft for Austen's book she called it First Impressions. Accurate but not quite as catchy as the revised version I think. Anyway this post is supposed to be about first impressions. But probably will end up being a school ramble.

I have a lot of new teachers this year that I have had no prior experience with and it's really interesting to me to start off the year examining their habits and teaching methods. From what I've seen so far (only day two I know) I seem to have relatively good teachers, by which I mean none that I feel like locking in the outdoor shed for a week.

I have a habit of reserving judgement of people until I have a fair amount of information about them, usually about 2-3 weeks worth, when it comes to teachers. I find it hard to understand how someone can have one class with a teacher and decide that they love them and they're amazing. I get that some teachers can have that effect and I suppose different types of teachers have that effect on different types of people.

I decided at the beginning of this year that I would go in with a completely open mind about all the teachers. Even the ones I had for Junior Cert and disliked and the ones I've heard horror stories about. It's been working well for me so far.

It may only be day two, but there has already been a mental breakdown among my friends. I haven't found fifth year stressful yet even though I'm already weighed down with homework. I guess that will come when I begin to fall behind on learning. (Which will be NEVER. I've keeping on top of everything this year, she said for the fifth year in a row.)

That's all we've got time for today folks, join me tomorrow when I probably will not have anything more interesting to say to you.