Moving Swiftly Along

I think perhaps I've forgotten how to blog. It's very different from riding a bicycle. There is no right or wrong way therefore once forgotten it's hard to remember exactly what it is you've forgotten. What I mean to say is that I had found a method of blogging that I liked and that worked for me but now I've lost it. I don't know what it was I was trying to achieve so I can't continue trying to achieve it.

I used to blog to clear my head and to sort out my thoughts. It was just a place to put my words so that they didn't end up lost or in the washing machine. Losing my blogging voice is like losing my direction. I'm just not sure where I'm going with this anymore. And by this I mean just about everything.

That probably sounds ridiculous now I come to think of it. My posts never seemed to have any outward direction. They did however provide me with the key to reading the map. Have you also noticed how incredibly pretentious I'm sounding these days? I'm not sure if this is a new thing or I was always this way but I'm just beginning to notice. I really don't like the sound of it.

I think sometimes I try so hard to not take things seriously that I'm simply hiding from the fact that I really care a lot about said things. I suppose I wish that I could see everything as a joke, that way the outcome wouldn't matter. But in all honesty I care immensely about a lot of things that are beyond my control and many things that are also within my control. But if I try at these things I'm admitting that I care. So I don't try. And this is just possibly the root of my procrastination.
WOW was that a conclusion? I didn't ever think I'd make it.

Permission to Write a Shitty First Draft (And Other Tangents)

Anne Lamott and probably a whole load of other people, once said something along the lines of, You need to give yourself permission to write a shitty first draft. That was an awkwardly-phrased opening sentence but this is my first draft. Therefore it can be as horrendous as I make. Admittedly I don't plan on making a second draft, and I think that is sort of the point but tough. My blog, my rules.

When you take a break from something that has previously been a routine it can be really difficult to get back into the swing of things. I no longer have school distracting me from spilling my secrets onto the internet and my intensely wild social life has inexplicably gone silent. ...Yes my intensely wild social life... Stop giving my blog post that look....I have friends...

Amazingly I can still find excuses not to blog despite it being one of my favourite everyday things to do. I just don't understand my brain. I need genuine advice on this: How does one overcome a procrastination addiction?

I considering following the 9 step plan designed for addicts. I'm going to Google that right now actually. (This is like fucking live blogging, man.)

Okay lesson #1 learned from Google today: It's a 12 step program not 9. According to Wikipedia the aims of the program are as follows:

• Admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion; (✓)
• Recognizing a higher power that can give strength; (Um...?)
• Examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member); (Volunteers please!)
• Making amends for these errors; (I don't think I've harmed anyone other than my future self)
• Learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior; (This is what I need to get to)
• Helping others who suffer from the same addictions or compulsions. (Yeah! I can start a business called Muldowney Motivation)

Step 1: Admittance
Hi, I'm Kate and I'm a Procrastinator! (Monotonous chorus: Hi, Kate.) I first realised that my procrastination was a major problem when I was spending three hours doodling and staring off into space every Saturday with a text book open in front of me.

Step2: Belief in Recovery
Okay so this is the higher power mumbo-jumbo. According to Recovery.org, the goal of this step is to allow participants to come"to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." It focuses on creating hope and faith in returning to a healthy state.

Hmm I'm just realising that an awful lot of these steps are very religion-centred. I'm going to do some more research and get back to you tomorrow. Or the next day. Probably.